"Mr. In and Mrs. In--Could You Please Tell Me What's In?"

So, today my friends somehow convinced me to get up and go to the Rec Center and work out at 5:30 am. Bad way to start a week, huh? Actually, my mood improved quite a bit as the morning went on, and it is nice to know I got my workout taken care of already. But as I was running around the indoor track this morning, my thoughts were as grey as the dark, snowy sky out the window. I was thinking about how it stinks that we have to worry about being in shape and healthy. I mean, sometimes I enjoy running and exercising, and I realize that there are those of you out there who just love it. But I think for the majority of us, we exercise because we are afraid of the consequences if we do not. Or, we have to because the way we've lived our lives up to this point necessitates it. At any rate, it got me thinking about how there are so many things in life to worry about that somedays it feels like a chore just to go on.

I have been noticing lately how it is "cool" to be organic and earth-friendly and chemically aware and all that. You hear everyone talking about it, you see stores like Whole Foods becoming the "cool" place to shop, everyone's got their re-usable grocery bags, and it's down on using things like deodorant and shampoo because God only knows what chemicals are in them. And of course, like when I was 15, I stress out about this, because on some level, I still want to be "cool" too. It is not cool to shop at Wal-Mart or use disposable diapers or feed my kids hot dogs--not tofu dogs, regular old hot dogs. I even get them Happy Meals at McDonalds once in a while, and I let them watch TV. Even Xavier. He LOVES Baby Einstein. If I listen to the "scientific studies" this will probably stunt his vocabulary and any number of other things but any of you who know my daughter Kendall will know that this is just not true because she talks like a grown up and watched plenty of Baby Einstein. (Now, I don't just plunk X-man down in front of the TV and take off, he just watches 'peripherally' while one of the girls is watching something. See, I had to explain myself because I don't want to be labeled a BAD MOM.) But all of these uncool things I do--some of them because they are convenient, some of them because I can't afford anything else, some of them I just don't think are that bad. But we worry so much about what food we're eating, where it comes from, what migrant worker was being exploited, what chemical is in or on it--it's amazing that any of us eat at all any more! I read "The Jungle" and "Fast Food Nation" and they made me sick, but I still have to eat and I'm not a millionaire. Shoot, I even read parts of "The Maker's Diet". Now, that's enough to make you want to drive off a cliff.

Growing up in the 70's, our parents didn't even put us in car seats, now you can buy soft helmets to protect your kid from bumping their heads on the coffee table when they're learning to crawl. It seems like everyone is in a competition to be the most cool, trendy mom (or just regular person) and it's getting harder and harder to do! I should be breastfeeding both Kendall and Xavier, Julia should be homeschooled, I need to get rid of my gas-guzzling Suburban and buy a Prius, use cloth diapers, shop at Whole Foods, make all my meals from scratch (No Mac and Cheese, are you kidding me? What about dinosaur chicken nuggets?), get rid of the TV, and on and on and on, how in the world am I supposed to keep up? Never mind the regular life stuff like paying the bills, exercising, spending time with friends and family and all the other worries life throws at you. How am I supposed to enjoy life if I have to scrutinize every aspect of it? Life is too short to be worrying about all this mess all the time! I worry enough already about any number of things. (Which, you may argue, is my own issue, don't pawn it off on you, thanks.) It feels like there are so many things that suck the joy right out of life and living. Maybe I should just start "dreaming of the streets of gold" and getting out of this place.

Of course, I don't really think that. Feeling "uncool" or whatever is something I just need to let go of. No one, except probably Angelina Jolie or someone like that, can tackle all the ills of society and the world on their own. I can't worry about whether my diamond ring came from Liberia (Did you watch "Blood Diamond"? That movie just makes you feel guilty for being alive.) Or who sewed my pants or picked my strawberries. Or how much waste my family produces or if I'm being a bad mom for giving processed food to my kids. So I try to take it one little thing at a time, like I am going to try not to use plastic grocery bags (I now have 2 canvas bags to use, go me!) or paper plates as much. I thought about using disposable diapers, really considered it, but with the amount of hot water you use to clean them, plus the extra laundry it would entail--it just didn't seem worth it. I've started using those new light bulbs, and I do make a conscious effort to cook "real" meals. But come on, some nights you just have to fix Hamburger Helper and get over it.

Anyway, I think it's just the extremism of ANY ideology, whether it's Christianity, Eco-anity (I just made that word up), Liberals, Conservatives, whoever, that drives me nuts. Why do some people find it so hard to just find a middle ground somwhere? So I'm going to eat at McDonald's because I like an occasional Quarter Pounder and drive my Suburban 'cause I need the room for stuff, and I'll keep shopping at Wal-Mart because it's the cheapest place out there and I'd rather save the money to do something fun with my kids. And I'll try to be happy and still find joy in spite of all the things that try to take it away from me.